Goodbye Sequel to I Remember LA
by Darla Kane
Summary: After leaving L.A. behind 10 yrs. ago, Cordelia's back to face Angel. Angel POV.


title: "Goodbye" (sequel to "I Remember L.A.")  
  
author: Darla Kane  
  
e-mail: DarlaB@gmx.de  
  
website:   
  
distribution: Angelic Art & Fiction, AI, ff.net, Nothing Fancy - anyone else just ask! :)  
  
rating: G  
  
disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters - they all belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, WB, 20th Century Fox etc., the song "Hearts Breaking Even" belongs to Bon Jovi, "Fallen From Graceland" belongs to Richie Sambora.  
  
spoilers: none really...  
  
pairing: C/A  
  
summary: After leaving L.A. behind 10 yrs. ago, Cordelia's back to face Angel. Angel POV.  
  
feedback: Feed me!  
  
A/N: Though it's a sequel to "I Remember L.A." I think it stands its own... But I'd love it if you gave the previous story a read, too. *hint hint* *g*  
  
Dedication: This is for everyone who asked me to write a sequel though I didn't want to at first. *g* Esp. to all my fellow Strangers. You guys rock! :) Oh, an in case you plan to ask - I think there will also be a sequel to this one to round the whole thing off (but it might take me a while again to actually start writing it).  
* * *  
  
"It's been a cold, cold, cold, cold night tonight  
  
And I can't get you off my mind  
  
God knows I've tried  
  
Did I throw away the best part of my life?  
  
When I cut you off, did I cut myself with the same damn knife?"  
  
The moon shone brightly into his room and he kept staring at its rays. Though it was way past midnight he could get no sleep. His mind was occupied with what had happened today. Images of a past almost forgotten were haunting him, sweet voices of another life were whispering into his ears... and beautiful eyes full of warmth and tenderness were looking at him. He had never thought he would ever see these eyes again, not after all this time. But still she had come back...  
  
* * *  
  
The day started like any other. Angel got out of bed and made himself some breakfast. He was just about to put a jelly donut into his mouth when he saw her standing right before him in the big lobby of the Hyperion. Cordelia. He was stunned. It had been so long. Ten years without a word from her and he had never tried to find her, either. He still couldn't believe his eyes - but she was really there. The same woman he had once loved with all his heart. She looked older, a bit weary - and the smile in her eyes was replaced by something else... Loneliness - and traces of fear...  
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
It seemed strange to say her name aloud, almost as if he had never been used to saying it every day. But those days were long gone. They stopped talking about her shortly after she had left. He knew Fred had often been whispering to Gunn saying how much she missed her and asking what might have made her leave so suddenly. However, neither of them had ever dared to ask him about it. None of them knew - besides him and Connor. Connor... Cordelia standing in front of him and thinking of his son immediately brought back some other painful memories - memories that were meant to stay in the past but still gave a certain edge to his voice when he continued.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
He didn't mean to sound so harsh but he didn't really know how to handle the situation, either. He wasn't even sure how he felt about her being here.  
  
"You're human..."  
  
A look of surprise crossed Cordelia's still beautiful features. He should have known that she would realize it right away. The Cordelia he knew had always been able to read him like an open book... It was hard to remember that this woman was no longer the girl he once knew. She wasn't much more than a stranger to him after all these years, wasn't she? Maybe he could convince his heart to believe it if he kept telling himself that over and over. But it was still the same gentle voice that asked softly,  
  
"When..."  
  
"Almost two years ago."  
  
He replied before she had even finished her question. His thoughts wandered back to that day. Somehow it had been like any other apocalypse they had faced in the past but the Powers seemed to have thought it had been enough to give him his reward. He remembered Fred fuzzing over him for days to make sure he would get used to the change more easily. Connor and his fiancée Christy had even organized a little party to celebrate... Everybody had just been very sweet and happy. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been glad, too, but back then he hadn't been able to really enjoy it yet. Because when he had been sitting alone in his room that night, he remembered a conversation he once had - with Cordelia. She had promised him that she would be by his side until he shanshued. Actually he finally had and she wouldn't even know about it. It had cut him up inside even though he wasn't really sure why. He hadn't thought about her lately. However, that night he took a box of photographs that he hadn't touched in years out of his closet and spent the rest of the night looking at them... pictures of Cordelia together with Doyle, of her laughing and making funny faces at the camera, of Wesley, her and himself smiling, of her holding his little baby... and he had known she had already made him feel human back then, even more human than he had felt that day. Suddenly he had really realized what he had lost the morning she ran away...  
  
"Angel, I..."  
  
She took a deep breath and her voice had gotten him back from his reverie. She seemed to be looking for the right words.  
  
"I don't really know what to say. It's been a long time and I royally screwed things up back then. So all of the apologies in the world couldn't make it right again but..."  
  
"Cordelia..."  
  
He wanted her to stop talking about that part of their past but she glanced at him seriously.  
  
"No Angel. Please let me finish. I know I probably have no right to be here after how much I've hurt you but I can't do this any longer. I've been tormenting myself ever since. Knowing you - or at least knowing the Angel that I used to know ten years ago - I guess you can imagine by now how much I regret what happened. However, there's one thing I regret even more... leaving without saying goodbye."  
  
For a moment silence filled the lobby until she went on.  
  
"That would have been the least I could have said, wouldn't it?"  
  
She tried to smile but Angel didn't fail to see that it didn't reach her eyes. And his mind slowly registered what she'd just said... Goodbye. He had never thought about that aspect but right then the realization struck him that this might have been the reason a small part of him had still clung to the hope she might come back - despite everything. They never had their goodbye... So this was really the end then, wasn't it? Now he was struggeling with what he was supposed to say.  
  
"So that's why you came here? To say goodbye?"  
  
He looked right at her with eyes that must have been impossible to read for her. He didn't want her to know what seeing her again made him feel. He wasn't even sure himself *what* it made him feel. She swallowed.  
  
"Actually... yes."  
  
"That's it then?"  
  
He noticed she was feeling more and more uncomfortable in his presence. And so was he. Why couldn't she just leave and walk away again like last time? Instead she kept looking at him. He couldn't tell for certain - but for a moment she even seemed to look sad. Or it was just his imagination as it only took seconds till she regained her composure and said rather coldly,  
  
"I guess so. Sorry for stirring things up again. I'd better get going - got stuff to do, flights to catch..."  
  
She started to go but turned around once again when she had reached the door.  
  
"Goodbye Angel."  
  
And the moment she was out of the hotel he softly whispered,  
  
"Goodbye Cordy."  
  
* * *  
  
And now, hours later, he sat alone in his room wondering if he had done the right thing. Some part deep inside of him told him he was a fool and his reason told him there had been nothing else he could have done. He wanted to believe the latter. He wanted to believe she really was nothing more than a stranger... that had once been his best friend. He had let her go so easily all those years ago. But why? Okay, he had been hurt - but his heart had forgiven her sooner than he had realized himself. So why hadn't he done anything to find her afterwards? Why hadn't he tried to contact her when he shanshued? Cordy's voice told him inside his head, "Because you're a coward, mister!" Maybe she was right. She had made a mistake - not sleeping with his son but running away from the consequences. However, he had made the bigger mistake... he let her... he let her walk away from him without a fight. And even today he had let her go again...  
  
There's a burning light in this town  
  
For every heart that's broken down tonight  
  
Here tonight  
  
You're stranded out there in the rain  
  
And you just can't see past the pain tonight  
  
You've fallen from Graceland  
  
Fallen from Graceland 


End file.
